If your child has a fear of flying but you still want – or need – to travel with them, what steps can you take to help them?
Why are children afraid of flying?
According to Dr Martin Seif, ADAA member who ran a Fear of Flying program and has counseled thousands of adults for their flight anxieties, young children are not afraid of flying as such, because they have very little experience of air travel, but they may have other worries.
“There are lots of young children, where there are elements of flying they don’t like, like fear of crowds, or not having their familiar things with them. They might have a social shyness, or social anxiety,” he said.
“The fear of nausea and vomiting, which can be a fear for ages of five to ten, can be a real issue for kids. If they are just concerned about the flight, there are lots of things you can do: mostly, reassurance.
“There are anti-nausea medications mild enough for children you can give, or ginger-based remedies, even a placebo can help.”
Dr Seif added if a fear of vomiting goes beyond flying and is an everyday problem, with your child refusing to go to school or get in a car, it could be the start of an anxiety disorder and should be evaluated by a doctor.
Flying triggers a lot of different anxieties and older children with a fear of heights, germs or confined spaces might find flying difficult, Dr Seif said.
However, the greatest fear people have about flying may not be what you expect.
“People who are afraid of flying, their greatest fear is not crashing or turbulence. It is having a panic attack and not being able to do anything because they are stuck on a plane.
“And that is the primary fear people have of flying. It is a fear of fear. Triggers could be reading about terrorism or a crash, but it doesn’t stick as a phobia until the age of ten.”
Address your own fear of flying
Children look to their parents for reassurance and an anxious parent may pass their fears onto their children.
Dr Seif said: “Many adults are afraid of flying and children between five and ten will pick up on that.
“If parents have real concerns about flying themselves, I always suggest they find a lighthearted comfortable way to say, ‘we don’t like flying and we have some silly fears.’ Because children tend to notice them.
“If you’re showing anxiety, your children will. So appear as calm as possible. You can say, ‘look, mom and dad have a silly thing about flying’, so it becomes a joke, not a boogeyman in their head.”
An estimated one in six adults in the US has a fear of flying, so there are plenty of resources available to help.
Look into a course, either online from fearofflying.com, at an airport – Milwaukee’s Mitchell International offers help from an aviation psychologist – or from an airline.
British Airways runs a Flying With Confidence course, with classes held in New York City, as well as other places around the world.
Virgin Atlantic offers a course, which includes a short flight – although you will have to get to the UK first for this one.
There are also self-help books available to help you understand and overcome your travel anxieties, including Dr Seif’s Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts, Flying Without Fear by Duane Brown and Captain Tom Bunn’s Soar: The Breakthrough Treatment For Fear Of Flying
Take your child for an airport tour
If their fear of flying is actually a fear of the unfamiliar, your child might be reassured with a trip to the airport. San Francisco International Airport offers a self-guided tour aimed at children, which includes a trip to its aviation museum. Take a look at your local airport’s website to see if they offer something similar and take the family for a day out at the airport.
Go to an aviation museum
If you have an aviation museum nearby, this is a great place to familiarize your children with air travel. A trip to a museum gives your child the opportunity to ask as many questions as they like and there are usually enthusiastic docents about to help answer them. Many museums, such as the Hiller Aviation Museum in the San Francisco Bay Area, have airplane cockpits children can climb into and explore.
Talk to your child about their fear of flying
Even if you cannot get to an airport or air museum, you can discuss your child’s fears. Asking them exactly what is bothering them and listening to their fears will help reassure them that it’s OK to be worried and more importantly, that you care about their feelings.
Encourage them to ask questions and continue to offer reassurance, talking about your own positive experiences and about the destination. You can read books together like Nope! A Tale Of First Flight.
Prepare and get to the airport early
Seattle Children’s Hospital offers some tips for a stress-free trip on the day. “For air travel, avoid rushing and the stress it causes.
“Allow plenty of time to get through the lines at check-in and security. Be sure you don’t have more liquids than what’s allowed. (Before your trip, check online for the current rules on liquids, including baby formula and breast milk.)
“After you clear security, you can buy more water near your gate. Let your kids walk as much as possible before boarding. Insist that everyone use the restroom, and give babies a fresh diaper. Take advantage of early boarding for families with children. If your child weighs less than 40 pounds, they should be in an FAA-approved safety seat that’s right for their age, weight and height.”
Check out my post for more tips on how to fly with a toddler without stress and how to travel with an infant car seat.
Let the air crew help you
A spokesperson for United Airlines said that while the flight attendants job is to ensure the safety of passengers on board their aircraft, they have plenty of experience in dealing with nervous children (and their parents).
One customer thanked staff for their help on a flight with her young kids. “During my flight home from Cancun to Chicago, the flight crew went far above and beyond in their service and hospitality,” she told United.
“I would like to pay a special complement to Myra. Myra showed [my three-year-old] what all the galley equipment did, showed him how the light work and gave him some extra snacks.
“Myra and Danielle then gave him a warm cookie and a set of United wings. I asked what his favorite part of the vacation and he said that it was the airplane. Myra went above and beyond and made that flight special for my children and for that I am thankful.”
Bribery and distraction
Dr Seif said parents can focus on reassuring their children before the flight, and distracting them with fun activities once on board.
“The closer you are to the present they less anxious you are. Society is focused on the future – ‘what if’ thoughts.
“Anything that keeps a child closer to the present will help. So that’s why you want to to take a lot of things that look good, feel good or sound good to keep them connected to the present, whether that is candy, coloring books or screens to keep them occupied and busy during the flight.”
Make sure you bring plenty of snacks, drinks, toys and other entertainment for the flight. If you normally limit screen time, the promise of their own tablet will likely help them look forward to a flight.
Buy some new toys to whip out if things get difficult but don’t forget to take a familiar toy, blanket or book to help them feel comforted in unfamiliar surroundings. Take a look at my post Best Travel Gear For Toddlers for suggestions on how to make kids comfortable and happy on a flight.
